My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
