No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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