dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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