four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
