Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
