everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
