The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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