So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
