Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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