Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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