Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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