You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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