I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.