I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"