the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.