at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize