The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Small penises have feelings too.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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