Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"