Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
