I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am midnight drunk by noon
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
