Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
