I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
