In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
