I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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