Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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