i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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