With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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