smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
