yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize