I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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