you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
