I want to have your abortion
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
