Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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