You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how do flat chested girls get laid?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
