I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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