I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
