Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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