Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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