and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
