Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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