On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
