i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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