Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
