you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize