Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
