Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
