Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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