He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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