i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
