i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
