i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
