I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
