my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
