When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
