Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sober January is a disaster.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
