It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
