Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
from now on my penis is your penis
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
