mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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