So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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