U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
