Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
