so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
