my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
