I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
