What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
