handjob tips. give me some.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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