Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
