your parents love me but you hate me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
