Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.