so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.