I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean