There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
