my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
