I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
