i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
