You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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