You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I understand Curling. That high.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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