If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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