We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
