I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
