I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
