ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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