My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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