used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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