Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
